August 31, 2008 by Teri Frana.

I write this with hesitation. I like being transparent because it’s better than putting up false pretenses. I’m open about my frailties because I think it helps people know they aren’t alone. Yet, when it comes to thinking about revealing the really ugly stuff, I break out into a cold sweat. “What will they think of me?” “Will they judge me and turn away? Or will they use it against me?” There is a great freedom which comes from living a transparent life and there is also enormous risk.

Being a risk-taker, I choose to go out on the limb. For me, for you, and for God. Call me foolish and it will hurt. Call me a hypocrite and I’ll tell you’re right. Judge me as a weak Christian and I will sing, “When I am weak, He is strong.” But, I ask you not to throw a stone as I share with you openly about what’s been happening in me the last couple of weeks.

I’ve been throwing something lately - a really good pity party. I mean one of those that lasts for days and days, keeps you awake at night, and close to tears all day. This party has been so good, I let it consume almost all my thoughts. OOOHHHH - it was a good’n!

There’s no need to share the explicit details of why I was throwing such a shindig because those don’t really matter. Every pity party comes down to one thing - I don’t feel like life is being fair to me. I feel like I deserved more. I was feeling sorry for myself because I’m not getting what I think I need, want, or deserve from life. Poor, pity me.

I rolled the unfairness around in my mind and heart for two weeks. I ran through all the scenarios I could think of to fix my situation. Sometimes I even had peace, but soon it was eaten away by my doubt once again. I wrestled with God, whined, bargained, and cried out for mercy. I even pouted a time or two - which really did a lot of good.

I yelled at my kids, pulled away from my friends, considered doing things I know I shouldn’t, and wasted a lot of time. Nothing good ever comes from a pity party, ever. In fact, I think I’ve even written that in a book or a devotional before. But when it came down to it, my humanness won out and there I was twirling my noise maker, tossing the confetti, and having a miserable time.

In essence, I was telling God, “You don’t know what you’re doing. Your promises are not true. You do NOT supply all my needs. And, by the way, I don’t trust you.” Yeah, not a pretty picture.

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August 23, 2008 by Teri Frana.

I’ve been counting a lot lately. I’ve been counting calories, fat, and sugar grams. I’ve also been counting money spent. You see, I would like to lose 10-15 pounds and also get into the habit of a stricter budget.

Both things are part of the “get Teri back into healthy habits” program. I’ve found that since I got pregnant for my now four year old daughter, I’ve fallen into some bad habits. I’m starting to see the consequences seep into my life in the way of a pudgier middle, lower energy, and less money at the end of the month.

I was eating lunch and reading labels so I could keep track of what I ate. I happened to look at my water bottle and saw a bunch of zeros staring back at me. There are absolutely no measurable caloric benefits from water. I pondered that for a moment. No nutritional benefits, yet we can’t live without it. In fact, we die very quickly without water. Our bodies can’t live without fresh water for more than three days.

Just then I thought about air. It really has no tangible substance to it. Without special tools, you can’t even measure it’s mass. It surrounds us yet we don’t even feel it. It brings life into our lungs and oxygen to our blood, yet we take it for granted. Our lungs take the good stuff in and expel the bad stuff without our conscious thought.

Air and water are crucial to our physical bodies just like the Holy Spirit and prayer are to our spiritual life. Before we accept Christ our spirit’s are dead. The confession of our sin and our belief in Christ open the door to allow the Holy Spirit in. He comes and breathes life into our spirit. He unites and becomes one with us - forever inseparable. Our interaction with Him is very much subconscious like breathing. He brings life to our spirits just like air brings life to our blood. Do you ever take in a deep, long breath and savor it as you feel it’s healing power?

Prayer is as important to our spiritual life as water is to our bodies. We can last awhile without it, but we become dehydrated, weak, disoriented, and parched. We were meant to be in constant dialog with our Heavenly Father. The Holy Spirit is in prayer on our behalf for us even when we don’t know it. (Romans 8:26-27) God longs for us to open our hearts in prayer to Him. He loves to hear and talk with His children. (Psalm 116:2)

Canned prayers we say in the morning, or at meal time, or before bed are like stale water to Him. Meaningless unless our hearts are in them. They are like the pre-recorded messages, “To make a payment, press one. To hear your account balance, press two…” Sometimes, we need to press zero and speak to a real person just to speak to a real person. THAT is what God desires in our prayers - to speak with a REAL person.

Without the air of the Holy Spirit and the water of prayers, our spiritual life is dead. Are you taking deep breaths of God? Are you becoming more and more aware of the Holy Spirit which dwells within you? Does the air in your spirit smell fresh like a spring day or like a dank, moldy basement?

Are you drinking in the sweetness of meaningful prayer with Your Father or are you dehydrated and parched. It just takes a little bit of effort to exercise those muscles which may be a just a little flabby. Take a deep, full breath and pour yourself a huge glass ice water.

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August 16, 2008 by Teri Frana.

I watched Michael Phelps win his seventh gold medal last night. I hadn’t seen any of the Olympics yet, but happened to turn there just as they were starting the event. It didn’t take a swim coach to see that he won that race with heart muscles-by the sheer will to win. His heart was the only thing which separated him from his second place opponent.

Which brought a thought to mind, “God isn’t interested in our performance - He wants our hearts.” I don’t think God looks at our achievements or our good works so much as He wants to know the motivation behind our performance.

This week, I was faced with a fairly major decision. Not life threatening, not gut wrenching, just a fairly important decision. I weighed all the facts. I sought godly, wise counsel from those close to me. I prayed and asked for God’s leading and direction. I went to the Bible to see if there was a principle which would point me in the right direction. I searched for the peace of knowing God’s will. It didn’t come.

No matter how desperately I asked, no matter how many times I knocked, there was no answer. I didn’t sleep much as I mulled over all the pros and cons. I fasted and prayed, leaving myself open to hearing God. I searched my heart as deeply as I know how - and still I didn’t experience the peace which tells me God blesses the decision.

Finally, I came to a decision which gave me a little peace and started to move forward. I prayed, “Lord, if this isn’t the right way - PLEASE move me.” And then, I got peace. I’m still unsure this is the right path, but I am sure that God will move me if He needs too.

Why? Because He has my heart. My heart is truly devoted to doing His Will. I’m not the wisest, or the smartest, the most capable, or the best at anything - BUT, my heart desperately wants to be in God’s will. I honestly can say, I would surrender anything He would ask of me. I’m more convinced this is true than ever after experiencing my frustration at not hearing Him this week.

I felt almost helpless without His direction. I think that’s just where I’m supposed to be. Maybe it isn’t so much about the decision as about the heart behind the decision?

I’m sure there are times when God has a definite path He wants us to follow, but I’m also convinced there are times when it’s more about where your heart is than about which direction to go.

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