September 23, 2008 by Teri Frana.

There’s been a lot of suffering in my life in recent years. I have NOT gone through it with much grace. In fact, I’ve complained, whined, and moaned most of the way. However over the last year, I have been feeling what I can only describe as “God’s fingers” molding, sculpting, tearing away the pieces of my heart which don’t fit into His final design.

Earlier this year, I stumbled upon this quote from a monk in the 17th century:

“We are a lump of clay and each stroke from the Potter we feel. Blow after blow descends upon us; we , the clay, do not understand how the Potter is shaping us or why He is chiseling and cutting away at us. Only the Master Potter knows that. It’s imperative, however, that we stay immovable and endure all the He sends us, because only He knows the perfect shape He is forming.Only He knows how to do it, we don’t. We feel that each blow is ruining us (killing and destroying us) but the Master Potter knows it’s the best thing for us.”

I can’t explain it, but this past year I’ve felt His loving fingers molding the clay of my heart. I asked Him to give me more of Him, to prepare me for a life in ministry, and He took up the challenge. It’s not easy to sit there and allow Him to grow patience, endurance, and my faith. Somehow, I can look back and say, “thank you Lord for growing me to be more like Christ.” Weird by the world’s standpoint, but beautiful in God’s eyes. I’ve come to realize that I’m being wrecked by God and loving it!

As I reflected on these thoughts this morning, I asked God for an end to the dark time in my life. I am glad to have His hands molding and shaping me, but frankly, I’m ready for a time of light and blessing. The request didn’t come from that place of desperation anymore. It didn’t come from, “Oh Lord, please help me!” It came from a quiet, still place of adoration for my Lord and honestly seeking to move forward with my life. After my prayer, I went to my devotional which was in Romans:

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5 NIV

Just then I knew that the last thing which He is shaping in my heart is an indescribable, undying, overwhelming sense of HOPE. I’m not there yet, however this morning, I felt a twinge of His fingers moving along the HOPE muscle in my very soul. I think my disappointment is only a cue it’s time to check my HOPE levels. Hope is the antidote to disappointment, they cannot take up the same space.

The word HOPE (in the English) appears 174 times in the NIV translation. Here are just a few of the verses I found:

• “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
• “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
• “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

I believe God has been shoring up my faith and hope so I am capable to be the minister of love and reconciliation to those He puts into my life now and will in the future. He is not only allowing me the joy of today, but the HOPE for a future deeply embedded in His Will. I choose to put all my hope and trust in the Potter who builds jars filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (see Galatians 5:22-23).
All I can say is, GOD IS GOOD!

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September 15, 2008 by Teri Frana.

God truly has a wonderful sense of humor. Sometimes though, I don’t necessarily feel like laughing with Him at the moment…like now.

One of the ways I find God funny is how He puts you in the position to give advice you really need yourself. I don’t know how He does it - but, in the last couple of days I’ve given others advice which I realize was actually directed at me. I’ve told two different people, with two completely different situations, “Don’t rush it. Allow God to work in His time frame.”

Each time I said it, I felt this strange twinge inside my heart. I wasn’t sure at the time what it meant but in my quiet time today I realize God wants me to take my own advice and apply it to my situation. URGH! How does He DO that?

Again, I will risk being transparent. It’s actually therapy for me and hopefully for you too. I am NOT a patient person by nature. Like I told you in the “Waiting For My Life to Change” post, I always like to be on the next adventure and I just happen to be in a season of God imposed waiting. I can tell you honestly, I am NOT doing it gracefully. I struggle to keep perspective. I fight against the anxiousness and lack of control. I constantly have to stem the tide of mind racing worry and the gut wrenching fear which strikes me.

This time is a little different than all the other times I’ve waited in my life - yet exactly the same. Let me explain and give you a little background.

Last year at exactly this time (in fact this week is a year), I felt the “call”. I’ve heard others say they are answering God’s call on their life and I never fully understood what that meant until that day. I distinctly heard, whether audible or not I’m not sure but, in an instant I knew what God intended for the rest of my life. I believe with every fiber of my heart, mind, soul, and strength that God has called me to a writing and teaching ministry about discipleship. I want to help others grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. I wake up in the morning thinking of ways to encourage others closer toward Christ. I finally know what God wants me to do when I grow up!

The MINUTE I heard that call or however you want to address it, I was off and running. Attacking the details with a ferocity and passion that probably scared other people. With just as much passion, God went about the business of molding and shaping me to ready me for the job. I felt as if I was already qualified, trained, and ready for action. Unfortunately, God knew exactly what junk He’d need to scrape off my heart and what garbage He’d have to dispose of in my life. Being the perfect Rabbi/teacher, He also knew just what burdens to place me under to sharpen, humble, and prepare me for the job He wants me to do.

Again I must say, URGH! How does He DO that? 

In the last year, MY marriage has fallen apart, MY financial security taken away, MY dreams dashed (emphasis on MY), MY pride sheered off, MY project plan and time line literally smashed (again, emphasis on MY), and almost everything I had come to believe about MYSELF has done a double backflip with a half twist.

Bottom line, I am finally a new creation. The Lord allowed our marriage to crumble so HE could rebuild it. We’re beating all the odds and after 10 months of separation we are dating and starting over with a clean slate. We are closer to a healthy marriage now then we were a year ago. God is healing us individually and our marriage in deep ways.

The Lord allowed the job security I thought I had to collapse so I could learn what true dependence means. Jesus stripped me of my dreams so He could replace them with His dreams for me. He is sheering off my pride so that I could humbly accept His provision. He dashed every semblance of project plan and target dates I had set so He could teach me to wait on Him. Most of the stuff I once believed about myself wasn’t true or wasn’t completely true. Jesus has lovingly, patiently, and joyfully been replacing lies with truth and bit-by-bit allowing me to see myself as He sees me.

I am still utterly a work in progress, however, this waiting period is different, because I do WANT to wait on Him. I no longer want things my way, I truly want His Will to be done in my life and I am finally willing to allow Him room to do it. Like I said, I’m not doing it WELL, but I am clumsily surrendering at the end of the day. Your Will Lord, not mine.

Because He knows me so well, He knows my thoughts before I can even think them, He sent me a little reminder to not rush His work in me. Today, all He wants me to cling to is that He is indeed working all things together for good in me. He is giving me what I need right now, this moment, to prepare me for what lies ahead. If I rush this process, I will not receive all of the blessings He is putting in place for me.

This life is hard but I will keep pressing forward no matter how badly I stumble. I’ll keep allowing Jesus to teach me to be content where I am, yet completely passionate about what is to come. I’ll allow the stripping, peeling, shaving, sheering or whatever other methods He chooses to use because I’m in this thing - with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 NIV

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September 9, 2008 by Teri Frana.

This morning my three-year old woke-up with the usual, “Good morning mommie! I wanna hold you.” As I’m sitting there on the couch cuddling with her, smelling her hair, and whispering how much I love her, the thought hit me, “I have to get up and get going. There’s a lot to do today.” I wasn’t even allowing myself to drink in the joy of the moment before I was off to the next thing in my mind.

So, I started pondering how much of my life I’ve spent waiting. There’s traffic lights, stop signs, grocery check-outs, waiting in line to get into the movies or a concert, waiting for people who were late, waiting for the next day off, you know, the normal kinds of waiting.

I don’t feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time waiting for the normal things. BUT, then I realize I’ve spent a lot of time waiting for the things I want - waiting for my life to change somehow. I couldn’t wait until I went to school. Then I couldn’t wait until summer break. I just couldn’t wait until high school and then I was counting the hours until graduation.

College was going to be spectacular and then working in the real world was the ticket. Then I waited to get married and then I almost couldn’t take waiting until that first child, then the second, then the house, then the newer car. Then I couldn’t wait until the new job or the new project. I couldn’t wait until the credit cards were paid off or until the school loan was done.

Seems like I’ve spent so much time looking ahead, I forget to look at what I have today. For me, today is often just a necessary evil to get to where I want to be tomorrow. The moment I am where I want to be, I look ahead for the next place I want to go. I realize I rarely enjoy being in the moment for very long before I am off to the next thing.

Some of this is because I have an adventurer spirit. I LOVE to set out for new and exciting things. I adore thinking about exploring unchartered areas of life and am rarely content to be complacent. The unhealthy part of not living in the day is my need to controll my destiny. I often tell God what I want, when, how, and why, and then set about doing it my way. A friend of mine called it, “micro-managing God.”

Right now, I’m in a forced season of waiting. I say forced because God is not allowing me anything to relieve my waiting. I know it’s Him and I know why. He is teaching me patience. Urgh! For an adventurer at heart, sitting around waiting for the next adventure is torture.

However, it’s the perfect antidote for a woman who is used to doing it her way, on her terms, and in her timing. God is changing me as He promised. He is stripping those things which would hinder my race, retard my growth, or block my vision. He is allowing me the time needed in order to learn contentment and trust.

The freedom of being content regardless of my circumstances is invaluable. The joy of trusting the Lord with my very life is priceless. The art of waiting on the Lord - beyond description…

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